It's been a while since I've blogged. I'm officially not a blogger anymore; however, all that time on board the ship gave me time to think. Scary, huh? I figured I should get a few more blogs in before my domain name runs out.
I rarely struggle with insecurity. I am not a girl who creates drama or worries about what others think. That's not out of pride; it is simply because I am 100% sure of my identity in Jesus. For some reason, I made up what people were thinking about us leaving our kids. No one said anything to us except they think it is healthy, but I'm sure they were out there somewhere- how can she leave her kids that long? (That's insecurity, right? Worrying about made up things in regards to what others think for no reason at all?) I think it came from two things. It came from mommy guilt and it came from satan trying to rob me of peace.
We left the kids from Sunday until Saturday. That's six nights. Six nights without snuggles, kisses, and laughs- for me. We left them with people we love and trust; the kids were on vacation too. Four nights and three full days out at sea with no Facetime or texts. It was awful hard. Shockingly hard once we were there. We paid 75 cents a minute for about 5 minutes to check Facebook Wednesday morning. I needed to see the messages from Stacy and my parents with updates about the kids. I had to see pictures of them alive, I mean, laughing. I was shocked at the relief I felt of simply knowing they were fine.
This might sound weird, but leaving them that long was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I'd do it all over again. You know why? It allowed me to trust God even more.
I rarely rely on God as I should when I'm comfortable. We have a house, insurance, our health, money to pay the bills, great friends, amazing family, and people are a blessing to us. I mean, we were on a free cruise- we have it good. It is disgustingly easy to get comfortable and forget how desperately I need Jesus.
Leaving the kids made me uncomfortable because I was reminded that I am not in control. I prayed more for my children from Sunday through Saturday than I have total this year. That was embarrassing for a few minutes when I realized it, but I was so thankful for the realization because it has driven me to my knees on behalf of my children. Even though I am back in my warm house in our cozy beds all together, I am no more in control of what happens to them than I was from the beach in Grand Turk. But God is. And I'm good with that.
So, I'm praying for them. For big things. For little things. I'm trusting God will continually do more than I can ask or imagine. And I will leave my kids again without worrying about what others think because it is super important for our marriage and God is way bigger than my silly fears.
People have really differing opinions on leaving kids, even with a sitter, let alone for a kid-free trip. What are your honest thoughts, or what works for your family? (Just because it works for us, doesn't mean it has to be right for you by the way- I am good with opposing opinions.) What are you praying for right? What are you trusting God with?
